My Reflections on This Sunday's Reading

It was the 25th Sun. in Ord. Time and the reading was Philippians 1:20-24,27 For me, verse 21 stuck out, "For to me life is Christ, and death is gain." and v27, "Yet that I remain in the flesh is more necessary for your benefit."
As a mother, that sure rings true for me. I'm not old enough to be concerned about dying soon, yet I always feel as though I am. I'm very much looking forward to "heavenly bliss." Everyday here sure feels like armegeddon (the final battle). I'm trying to enjoy (and be with God in) every smile from my children and even every tantrum (they sometimes can seem very comical) or mess and I feel as if I'm only here for "their benefit" and that of others and I'm learning that this is actually the case. The things I used to do for fun are so trite now.
I once told my spiritual director that with every child I seem to die a little more. He was very interested. Now, I can't do or enjoy the things I once did. I can't even keep intact the things I like. By this fourth one, I feel completely annihilated (I looked up the spelling to that word just so I wouldn't look unetucaded). When I only had one child, I greatly admired my friends with seven children. I noticed they were so peaceful and CALM, so extremely nice or unselfish. Much more so than I thought I was. Now I know what training camp they went through to become like that!! They learned to let so much go!! I really think those mom's will earn a high degree of glory in heaven. Thank you for your inspiration. I want to be just like you. God bless you!!